哆啦A梦,像哆啦A梦不...
- 昨晚在飞机上，本想逗逗空姐，结果被空姐给涮了。
发餐时，我说：“你有纸巾不？”
空姐从兜里拿出纸巾给我。
又问：“你有牙签不。”
她又从另外的兜里拿出牙签。
哥很郁闷，再问：“你有一次性筷子不？”
空姐把一次性筷子递给我，同时说了一句让我石化的话：“我像哆啦A梦不？”
- 哆啦A梦快开始了~~
- 跟一女的朋友逛街。大热天的，女的说：不如找个地方洗个澡吧，心里想着：也好！于是开了个钟点房，过一会，女的洗完澡了， 跟着到我了，… 我从浴室出来看见那女的躺在床上， 我说：睡你麻痹吖，快把鞋子穿好，走了！ 票都买好了，哆啦A梦快开始了，再不走就赶不上了，快快快快………
- 哆啦A梦 机器猫的漫画
- 哆啦A梦与机器猫永远在一起
累了吗？那就活动活动筋骨吧。
- 喜欢哆啦A梦的一定要学学了
- 喜欢哆啦A梦的一定要学学了
- 一句让我石化的话：我像哆啦A梦不？
- 飞机上闲来无事，本来想逗逗空姐，结果被空姐给涮了。 发餐时，我说，你有纸巾不？ MM从兜里拿出纸巾给我； 又问，你有牙签不，她又从另外的兜里拿出牙签； 哥很郁闷，再问你有一次性筷子不，MM把筷子递给了我，同时说了一句让我石化的话：我像哆啦A梦不？
- 恶搞金庸名著和哆拉A梦
1、周日下午，杨过与小龙女两人出去游玩，正撞见金轮法王。
金轮法王神功已成，功力雄浑威猛，杨过几乎不敌。
小龙女急中生智，大喊一声：“过儿，你忘了明天还要上班吗？”
杨过一听，失魂落魄，随手使出黯然销魂掌，掌随意动，竟将法王打出几十丈远。2、黄药师派梅超风出去寻找九阳真经，结果梅超风半年未归。
黄药师四处打探，一路找到北京，发现梅超风正坐在北医三院门口拉二胡乞讨，不远处的一根电线杆下，洪七公正冷冷的监视着她。3、“师傅，请您传授给我六脉神剑！”
“不行，这个你学不了”
“那一阳指呢”
“不行，这个你还是学不了”
“弟子不够勤奋吗？”
“不是啦…”
“弟子天分不够？”
“也不是啦…”
“难道是因为大理段氏不传外姓？”
“以前有那规矩，现在倒没那么严格”
“那为什么不教弟子呢？！”
“哆拉A梦你闹够了没有！”
- 多啦A梦的三个私生子
- 多啦A梦的三个私生子
- 金庸名著和哆拉A梦名著之间的较量！！
1、周日下午，杨过与小龙女两人出去游玩，正撞见金轮法王。
金轮法王神功已成，功力雄浑威猛，杨过几乎不敌。
小龙女急中生智，大喊一声：“过儿，你忘了明天还要上班吗？”
杨过一听，失魂落魄，随手使出黯然销魂掌，掌随意动，竟将法王打出几十丈远。2、黄药师派梅超风出去寻找九阳真经，结果梅超风半年未归。
黄药师四处打探，一路找到北京，发现梅超风正坐在北医三院门口拉二胡乞讨，不远处的一根电线杆下，洪七公正冷冷的监视着她。3、“师傅，请您传授给我六脉神剑！”
“不行，这个你学不了”
“那一阳指呢”
“不行，这个你还是学不了”
“弟子不够勤奋吗？”
“不是啦…”
“弟子天分不够？”
“也不是啦…”
“难道是因为大理段氏不传外姓？”
“以前有那规矩，现在倒没那么严格”
“那为什么不教弟子呢？！”
“哆拉A梦你闹够了没有！”
- 到底梦见什么啦？
- 男友对她说：“昨晚梦见你了，早上起来内 裤湿了一大片。”她害羞的问男友：“到底梦见什么啦？”男友回答：“梦见你卸了妆，把我吓尿了！”
- 到底梦见什么啦
- 男友对她说：“昨晚梦见你了，早上起来内裤湿了一大片。”她害羞的问男友：“到底梦见什么啦？”男友回答：“梦见你卸了妆，把我吓尿了！”
- A：~~~~
- A：“我觉得我这样做不好~” B：“活该你单身，” 哎，对了，你妈逼你结婚了吗” A：~~~~
- 你能圆啦师傅这个梦想吗
- 一日，唐僧叫八戒:八戒啊，能否给为师跑俩圈看看啊？八戒不解:为什么啊师傅？唐僧:说来惭愧啊，为师从小在寺里长大，没吃过猪肉，也没见过猪跑，你能圆啦师傅这个梦想吗
- Not a dancer
- A lady went to a pet shop to buy a parakeet. She asked the clerk for a bird that could sing. The man sold her a parakeet, and she took it home. There, she examined the bird and found out it had a broken leg. She returned to the store with the bird and told the clerk that the bird had a broken leg. "Lady," he answered, "when you brought the bird, you asked for a singer, not a dancer."
- A爸：
- 小A：“爸爸，妈妈说你满脑子只想着女人。”
A爸：“傻女儿，别听你妈瞎说。”
小A：“爸，我是你儿子啊
- A Woman's answer
- A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"
"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."
一位丈夫对他的妻子说：“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢？” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”
- A puzzling problem
- "Well, Sam, I'll tell you how it is, you see, I married a widow, and this widow had a daughter. Then my farther, being a widower1, married our daughter, so you see my father is my own son in-law."
"Yes, I see."
"Then again my step-daughter is my step-mother, isn't she? Well, then, her mother is my grandmother, isn't she? I am married to her, am I? So that makes me my own grandfather, doesn't it?"好吧，萨姆，我告诉你事情的来龙去脉。你知道，我娶了一个寡妇，这个寡妇带着个女儿，后来我父亲丧偶娶了我太太带来的女儿，因此我父亲成了我的女婿。”“原来是这样，我明白了。”“于是我的继女实际上成了我的继母，是这样吧？那么她的母亲就是我的外祖母，对不对？而我和她母亲结了婚，所以我一下变成了我自己的外祖父，是吧？”
- a funny thing
- when i was a freshman in our university,one day,our new teacher want us to say sth about yourself then ,a student standed up, and said "i come from shandong ,and i want to learn more when im in university,and hope good ,good study ,day ,day up.then our teacher said it is chinese english, good,good study ,day day up is wrong sentence,then our teacher said there are so many people even said "i will give you color see see",how funny it is!!
- 我梦想你做我的——后妈很久啦！
- 老师，毕业了，我即将离去，就让我再看您一眼吧！好孩子，以后常回来看看。哦，老师，我会回来的，不过我回来前您能不能先把您老公踹了？我会单膝跪地满眼深情对您说：我梦想你做我的——后妈很久啦！
- A Speeding Motorist
- A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗？”他责问道。
“知道，长官，”司机回答说。
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车？”
“我本来想这样做的，长官。”那男子回答说，“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”
- A cat’s dictionary
- purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
purrverse: poem about a strange kitty.
purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
purrpetual:Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
purrson: A male kitty.
purrpetual motion:A kitty playing.
- A SWEET POEM
- A SWEET POEM It means that... You"re a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR You"re used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
- Delivering a baby
- A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn‘t have crawled up there in the first place!"
- Choose a punishment
- private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
"You can take your choice, private - one month‘s restriction or twenty day‘s pay," said the officer.
"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I‘ll take the money."
- A deleted file
- Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
- A second language
- A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.
Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."
- 谁家的a
- 这孩子，谁家的a
- A Duel 决斗
- Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
小彼得从操场回到家时，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。
显然他刚与人恶斗了一番，而且打输了。父亲问儿子发生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得说，我向拉里挑起决斗，而且我让他挑选武器。”
“嗯，”父亲说，“这看上去很公平！”
“我知道，但我没想到他选择了他姐姐！”
- 巨冷段子,冷到直哆嗦
- 1、我问一朋友为什么关羽当初带着两个嫂嫂进了曹营，然后又毫发无损地出来了？
他回答我：不知道，可能关羽发质比较好吧。
2、有一天，阿凡达和蓝精灵在厕所遇见，无意中看到了对方的便便，瞬间紧握双手异口同声道：“兄弟，原来你也是蓝翔人埃。。”
3、有次我和朋友打麻将一直输，就叫男朋友去楼下买包话梅给我。意思是化掉霉运嘛，貌似这招一直都挺灵的。但是我吃完话梅还是一直输。
后来他一看，那话梅的包装口袋上写着：天下第一梅……
- A Brain Transplant
- The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗？”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
- A new guy
- A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can`t make a face while doing it. SECOND, there`s a `gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there`s a woman up-stairs who`s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.
Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won`t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where`s that woman with the sore tooth?"
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