- 老师，她用汉语笑了！
- 英语课上，老师要求同学们用英语交谈。同学们非常听话，都做到了老师的要求。快下课了，一个同学实在是忍不住了，哈哈大笑起来。这时，另一个同学站起来，对老师说：“老师，她用汉语笑了！”
- 英语水平有限，看不懂呀
- 据说看懂这个英语笑话你已经40岁了，英语八级通过：While making love, a man says: - Darling, let’s do 68! - 68??? What’s that? - You do it to me and I’ll owe you one!
- 笑口常开：噪音的优点
- Wherever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour ,it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it.
My first customer wanted to buy the car, and I battled with my conscience over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing.
Expecting him to drop the deal, I was surprised by his reply.
That's okay, he said. I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration, I'll know she's driving too fast.
每当我驾驶我那辆旧车时速超过55英里时，它就剧烈地震动起来，所以我决定卖掉它。
我的第一位买主想买这辆车。围绕是否告诉他这辆车的问题，我经历了一番与良心的较量。终于我做对了。
我想他会放弃这个交易，却对他的回答吃了一惊。
那没什么，他说，我是给我女儿买这车的。如果她抱怨震动的话，那我就知道她开得太快了。
- 幽默：如此长的狗
- Such a Long Dog Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。
- An Abstract Noun
- Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?
Jane: I don't know, madam.
Teacher: What, you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.
Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.老师：简，什么是抽象名词？
简：我不知道，老师。
老师：什么，你不知道！抽象名词就是你想象得到但触摸不到的东西。现在，你给我举个例子。
简：老师，比如说一根炙热的拨火棍。
- King and Knave
- George asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.
Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.
乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克，会不会玩纸牌。 陛下，图克回答说：在玩纸牌方面，我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。
- 这就是不懂外语的悲催啊
- 有个人刚学外语，这天在街上走，不小心踩了一个老外的脚，那人急忙说：“I'm sorry.”老外也礼貌的说了句：“I'm sorry too.”那人一听，急忙说了句：“I'm sorry three.”老外一听傻了，问：“What are you sorry for?”那人无奈的说：“I'm sorry five.”
- Its part of the game
- Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
妈妈：玛丽，你为什么这样大喊大叫的？ 为什么不能像艾迪那样安安静静的玩儿呢？你看艾迪一声儿都不出。 玛丽：妈妈，艾迪当然不会出声了，因为我们俩正在玩爸爸回家迟到的游戏呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。
- A Thank-you Note
- Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "
有一次，我收到一封感谢信，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票，都被刮过了，露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助，”信上写道，“作为礼物，我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾，您没中奖。”
- 他的耳朵在我衣兜里
- Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
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